Melissa: Soundtrack of My Life. Track 8. Michael Buble.

In the first post on this blog, Joshua wrote that the three of us would reside 8800 miles away. I couldn’t understand at the time why this figure seemed to bother my mother so much, why knowing the exact mileage made the distance real. It was just a number, and a pretty exciting number at that! I would be miles away from what I’d known and since I could still call, email or webcam, the distance was never truly important to me. But when I heard last week that my pastor, David, had passed away from cancer, the distance became almost tangible. 8800 miles stood between me and my family. 8800 miles between me and the hugs I wanted to give Alex and Bonnie. 8800 miles from the hugs I needed to receive.

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

I knew before I came to South Africa that David’s death was a very real possibility as he had been battling cancer for multiple years and it wasn’t looking good. While most of my goodbyes were happy, saying goodbye to David was extremely difficult. He made sure I knew how proud he was of me and how he knew this journey would challenge and strengthen me. I think both of us were teary by the end. Neither of us said it, but we knew that our goodbye might be the last we said. Two weeks ago I woke up crying from a dream where David had died and found ot soon after that he wasn’t expected to live for much longer. I thought that I might get to speak to him by webcam, but unfortunately never had the chance.

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

Last Sunday night I found out in an email that David had passed away. I just sat in my room and cried. I tried to find someone online to talk to, but I could not find anyone that I thought would understand. I didn’t know my roommates well enough to share this with them, and while I could have gone to Josh or Drew, it didn’t feel right. I needed to speak to someone who knew Pastor David so I wouldn’t have to explain how deeply I felt about him. I didn’t want to try to explain why I was so upset even though I knew it was coming.

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

I managed to speak to Katie, my roommate from Missouri State, the next day, which was helpful. I don’t think I ended up really saying all that much, but she had met David and knows me, so she could understand the situation. Katie has this wonderful gift of knowing when to just listen and this gift translates to communication via messaging systems as well. There were a lot of times when I just sat looking at my computer screen, typing and then deleting things without sending them, but knowing that she’d sit on the other end and wait without rushing me. Once again I thanked whoever it was that matched us as roommates. (I love you, Katie.) The rest of the week, while better, was more somber than usual. I found myself declining invitations to go out, staying awake longer than usual and being in an unusually irritable mood.

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

On Thursday I was given the option of watching David’s funeral via webcam. At first I felt apprehensive about the idea; it seemed as though I would intruding in some way. However, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to be part of the service. As I was so far away, the whole idea of David being dead wasn’t completely real; I needed to see the casket to have closure. Though there were difficulties with the webcam and I ended up only getting to see parts of the service, it was still nice to get to hear Muriel preach and see that everyone was coping. It also helped that during the service I was led to Psalm 90. At one part it says, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. Return, O LORD! How long? Have pity on your servants! Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil. Let your work be shown to your servants and your glorious power to their children.” (Psalm 12-16, ESV.) The passage became a source of peace for me, illustrating how God is so much bigger than any of our lives. If I need reminding, I simply look at that verse.

So that is a brief update on me and what’s been happening. Life –the good and the bad--doesn’t stop because I’m in South Africa. Part of my growing process will just have to be learning how to deal with these situations. And really, just because I’m 8800 miles away doesn’t mean I’m alone. A special thanks to all those who made that very clear.